I Really Am Here

Wow. I'm pretty sure that everyone who knew I had a blog believed that I either fell off the face of the earth or simply decided that blogging was something that would not be a part of my pastime. The fact of the matter is, neither is true. I am still on the face of the earth and it's honestly not that I decided I did not like blogging, it's simply that I did not take the time. #laziness101. I take time for tons of other things and unfortunately this blog fell behind.

It says that the last time I posted was in March of last year. I cannot tell you how much my life has changed since then. Really. My life is so different from eleven months ago. I'm nearly in tears thinking about it. A lot of good has happened, a lot of sad has happened. I've had some of the hardest days, and yet I am closer to God through it all.

The biggest moment of last year happened on July 12th in a secluded rustic little summer camp. If some of you don't remember, that was a Thursday. On Monday my pastor had called me and asked if I would do the music for this camp because the other musicians couldn't make it...so less than 24 hours later I found myself at a camp that I had never been to, preparing myself to sleep in an army tent, go potty in an outhouse, and help little kids not be so homesick. To put it in perspective, there were about 5 adults, 10 teen counselors, and about 30 kids. Not a huge deal, but a big job. Right after lunch on Thursday, we all said our good-byes to Carrie, one of the counselors, as she drove off in her car to head for home a day early. Little did we know that we would be the last people to ever see her alive. I still cannot explain the pain of knowing I didn't hug her good-bye. I still wonder why God chose me to spend the last 2 1/2 days of her life with her, instead of her twin sister and the rest of her family. I still cannot talk about it without crying. There is not a day that goes by without me thinking of her. It is a wound that goes so deep. I wish I could sit here and explain why it all happened, and yet I know God has a plan, I just can't see it yet. But it is there. It's there in the little nooks and crannies. It's there when I remind myself to tell someone they mean something to me, because I might not see them again. It's there when I look at the bracelet I always wear in memory of her and think of her beautiful smile. It's there when I see how her family has been so positive, focusing on the fact that she is with Jesus, not that she is not with them.

Last Friday, February 1st, was Carrie and Sadie's 18th birthday. I wish I could have brought her back, I wish I could have hugged her, but that was not meant to be.

Now maybe you wonder why I wrote this, I myself am wondering some. Maybe I wrote it to simply write out my feelings, maybe I wrote it out in honor of Carrie, but I know that even though you most likely never heard of Carrie Beth Flatmoe, she is a girl I hold deep in my heart and is being held in the arms of God.

Armenian or Reformed?

We have lately been discussing the Armenian theology and the Reformed theology within our church (especially the subject of predestination). Which one is biblical? Is there really an answer?
 I am curious as to what my fellow classmates, or rather bloggers feel about these theologies. If you don't know about them, I challenge you to look them up and research them a bit. You might be interested in what you find. Now, I know, we all have professors to challenge us to look up deep biblical principles. But this really is interesting and might help you (or frustrate you :P) in some of your views of God. Still, it's important to remember that most of the things that differ between Armenian theology and Reformed theology are relatively minor beliefs: they are not foundational beliefs that are necessary for Christians to agree upon.
In discussing it, I believe that I have come to the conclusion that I am on neither side. Both have views that I do not agree with. What about you?

PLEASE don't wake me up again

Ok, so you are probably thinking that I forgot I was a blogger. Surprisingly, I did not. Actually, I have had an amazing spring break basically filled with one thing: checking cows. Yeah, you did read that last statement correctly. I work for my dad on our farm and ranch and it is now calving time. Hence, about every two hours, someone has to go outside and check on approximately 500 cows to see if anyone is about to produce a baby. This probably sounds awful to you. It can be. Being awoken from a deep sleep and having to go out in frigid South Dakota winter weather is not always the paradise on the forefront of my mind. But sometimes, it is not something bad at all. Sometimes I get to go out on a horse, with the moon and stars shining down on me, and peacefully ride through a group of quiet cows. There's another thing good about calving. You get to see one of the most amazing instincts the God of the universe has given animals: that of the mother recognizing her calf and the calf knowing what to do when he can stand. The cow somehow knows that the little thing with four legs belongs to her and she needs to take care of it. The calf somehow knows that there is milk in that cow and he needs to figure out where it is so that his belly is happy. I am sooooo glad that I don't have to teach every cow and calf that lesson: cause it wouldn't be easy. Seeing this makes me once again be amazed by what God does sometimes. He is so gracious to us. He so loves us. Let us love Him back.

I Am Losing My Mind

I am losing my mind. It's beginning to look sad. I am normally a very organized person. I may act rashly every now and then, but for the most part no one would call me out of control. In some areas. But in the last three days, I have accomplished so many tasks and the second I finish them, I say to myself "NOOOOOOOOO. WHHHYYYYY?" I realize that I have just done something stupid, and have to make it right. For instance, I live in South Dakota where it is quite rural. We live on a farm and I was taking some junk out of a shed. I drove the tractor out to the hill where we put some junk, came back, only to find out that I had only dumped part of my load. Fail. Last night, as I was going to feed one of my cows, I saw a fire in the same shed I had taken the junk out of. It was very small, but I thought "well my, my I am going to save the barn, just like on a movie." I kicked dirt on it, then poured water on it. The second I had finished pouring water on it, I looked and saw matches and oil sitting approximately 6 inches away from me. Hence, the fire was meant to be. Once again, epic failure. Sure enough, when I got to the house, Dad explained why there was a little fire in the shed (it was completely safe and sort of needed to be there). More occurrences have happened, but I do not feel the need to bore you with them. However, I am still saying to myself, "NOOOOOOOO. WHHHYYYYYY?" But oh well, I'm glad that God does not depend on me to always do everything perfectly, or even right........cause I would be in a pretty bad situation right now. Instead, I am sure He found a little humor in me thinking that I was the hero and then me finding out that I was actually the bad guy who drowned out any chance of relighting the fire.