Wow. I'm pretty sure that everyone who knew I had a blog believed that I either fell off the face of the earth or simply decided that blogging was something that would not be a part of my pastime. The fact of the matter is, neither is true. I am still on the face of the earth and it's honestly not that I decided I did not like blogging, it's simply that I did not take the time. #laziness101. I take time for tons of other things and unfortunately this blog fell behind.
It says that the last time I posted was in March of last year. I cannot tell you how much my life has changed since then. Really. My life is so different from eleven months ago. I'm nearly in tears thinking about it. A lot of good has happened, a lot of sad has happened. I've had some of the hardest days, and yet I am closer to God through it all.
The biggest moment of last year happened on July 12th in a secluded rustic little summer camp. If some of you don't remember, that was a Thursday. On Monday my pastor had called me and asked if I would do the music for this camp because the other musicians couldn't make it...so less than 24 hours later I found myself at a camp that I had never been to, preparing myself to sleep in an army tent, go potty in an outhouse, and help little kids not be so homesick. To put it in perspective, there were about 5 adults, 10 teen counselors, and about 30 kids. Not a huge deal, but a big job. Right after lunch on Thursday, we all said our good-byes to Carrie, one of the counselors, as she drove off in her car to head for home a day early. Little did we know that we would be the last people to ever see her alive. I still cannot explain the pain of knowing I didn't hug her good-bye. I still wonder why God chose me to spend the last 2 1/2 days of her life with her, instead of her twin sister and the rest of her family. I still cannot talk about it without crying. There is not a day that goes by without me thinking of her. It is a wound that goes so deep. I wish I could sit here and explain why it all happened, and yet I know God has a plan, I just can't see it yet. But it is there. It's there in the little nooks and crannies. It's there when I remind myself to tell someone they mean something to me, because I might not see them again. It's there when I look at the bracelet I always wear in memory of her and think of her beautiful smile. It's there when I see how her family has been so positive, focusing on the fact that she is with Jesus, not that she is not with them.
Last Friday, February 1st, was Carrie and Sadie's 18th birthday. I wish I could have brought her back, I wish I could have hugged her, but that was not meant to be.
Now maybe you wonder why I wrote this, I myself am wondering some. Maybe I wrote it to simply write out my feelings, maybe I wrote it out in honor of Carrie, but I know that even though you most likely never heard of Carrie Beth Flatmoe, she is a girl I hold deep in my heart and is being held in the arms of God.
